SO on Friday night I hosted Carousel Burlesque in our fair Capital City and I thought some people might be curious to know what goes on backstage.
For those in the "don't know" Burlesque is an ancient art form where luscious ladies generally disrobe in a variety of permutations until their jugs are jubbling about unhindered. It usually involves some sort of saucy 50's style soundtrack with flirty looks and peeling of stockings. There is also often the flinging of breasts about afterwards, sometimes rather excitingly in opposite directions.
But the Burlesque genre is a many and varied beast-ess with hundreds of women taking off their clothes in their own special way and Friday night was no exception.
I was invited to host the show by Ms Venus Starr, Burly-Q Meistress and producer of the sell-out event. She was not performing this month however due to carelessly allowing her partner to impregnate her. (Though looking at her you would never think she gave birth 12 weeks ago, hell I look more pregnant than she does.) BUT there were other nudie rudies to titillate the crowds with their... well tits.
The backstage Burlesque world is one infected by sparkles, hairspray, false eyelashes, sequins, garters, suspenders, wax and um, tampons.... Now let me clear up something right now. I am not a Burlesque performer. I love all of those things I mentioned right up to wax BUT that is where I draw a line in the erm... gland. I waxed my legs once and it hurt so much I vowed to never do it again. Also the chicken skin spots that reared up were about as sexy as measles so the very thought of waxing my dewey portal to happiness is one I will not entertain. And as such there will be no stripping for me, well unless the act involves a forest of Daddy Long Leg Spiders.
I also walked in on one fair maiden (WARNING WARNING LADY LEAKS AHEAD) tucking in her tampon string so as not to get a wet-spot on her G-String gusset. (Isn't gusset a wonderful word.) That's right it wasn't her portal renovation period, she was just keeping things nice and dry. I did think to remind her that there was a toilet cubicle right next to her lunging form but hey, I can cross seeing that off my bucket list now.
But once lips were plumped, hair was curled, nipples were stickered, glitter was smeared, heels were slipped into and strings were tucked, we were off like knickers at Hugh Hefner's.
We had an act who pierced herself with needles attached to birthday candles (I believe she also does children's parties), we also had an aerialist on a hoola hoop, a balloon popping act , a fan dance and the crazy and hysterical Magenta Diamond who basically fondled a man into an erection onstage. And through it all I kept performing limericks, songs and poems and saying fuck a lot, coz I am clever like that.
The audience was rearing to go, a comedy gift of an audience who laughed at everything I said. There was even a Ginger Grizzly Adams in the audience leading the rock n Roll charge and the hysteria mounted to palpable levels. There must be something about tits that drives people crazy. I obliged by wearing mine very high and sticking them in men's faces.
Thankfully for their faces however mine remained in my corset. I just know that if I were to get mine out I would take an eye out in the front row with my attempts at twirling. It wouldn't so much be saucy swirling as mammary bashing with another one coming right after. One good thing though, it could be a very useful renewable energy source. Get me winding up onstage and I might just be able to power Levin with the wind energy generated.
HHmm I might just ring Jeremy Wells and talk to him about it.
GO and see the next Carousel Burlesque in September I dare you. There will only be one dry seat in the house.
For those in the "don't know" Burlesque is an ancient art form where luscious ladies generally disrobe in a variety of permutations until their jugs are jubbling about unhindered. It usually involves some sort of saucy 50's style soundtrack with flirty looks and peeling of stockings. There is also often the flinging of breasts about afterwards, sometimes rather excitingly in opposite directions.
But the Burlesque genre is a many and varied beast-ess with hundreds of women taking off their clothes in their own special way and Friday night was no exception.
I was invited to host the show by Ms Venus Starr, Burly-Q Meistress and producer of the sell-out event. She was not performing this month however due to carelessly allowing her partner to impregnate her. (Though looking at her you would never think she gave birth 12 weeks ago, hell I look more pregnant than she does.) BUT there were other nudie rudies to titillate the crowds with their... well tits.
The backstage Burlesque world is one infected by sparkles, hairspray, false eyelashes, sequins, garters, suspenders, wax and um, tampons.... Now let me clear up something right now. I am not a Burlesque performer. I love all of those things I mentioned right up to wax BUT that is where I draw a line in the erm... gland. I waxed my legs once and it hurt so much I vowed to never do it again. Also the chicken skin spots that reared up were about as sexy as measles so the very thought of waxing my dewey portal to happiness is one I will not entertain. And as such there will be no stripping for me, well unless the act involves a forest of Daddy Long Leg Spiders.
I also walked in on one fair maiden (WARNING WARNING LADY LEAKS AHEAD) tucking in her tampon string so as not to get a wet-spot on her G-String gusset. (Isn't gusset a wonderful word.) That's right it wasn't her portal renovation period, she was just keeping things nice and dry. I did think to remind her that there was a toilet cubicle right next to her lunging form but hey, I can cross seeing that off my bucket list now.
But once lips were plumped, hair was curled, nipples were stickered, glitter was smeared, heels were slipped into and strings were tucked, we were off like knickers at Hugh Hefner's.
We had an act who pierced herself with needles attached to birthday candles (I believe she also does children's parties), we also had an aerialist on a hoola hoop, a balloon popping act , a fan dance and the crazy and hysterical Magenta Diamond who basically fondled a man into an erection onstage. And through it all I kept performing limericks, songs and poems and saying fuck a lot, coz I am clever like that.
The audience was rearing to go, a comedy gift of an audience who laughed at everything I said. There was even a Ginger Grizzly Adams in the audience leading the rock n Roll charge and the hysteria mounted to palpable levels. There must be something about tits that drives people crazy. I obliged by wearing mine very high and sticking them in men's faces.
Thankfully for their faces however mine remained in my corset. I just know that if I were to get mine out I would take an eye out in the front row with my attempts at twirling. It wouldn't so much be saucy swirling as mammary bashing with another one coming right after. One good thing though, it could be a very useful renewable energy source. Get me winding up onstage and I might just be able to power Levin with the wind energy generated.
HHmm I might just ring Jeremy Wells and talk to him about it.
GO and see the next Carousel Burlesque in September I dare you. There will only be one dry seat in the house.
No comments:
Post a Comment