OK so time for my first proper weekly bog entry.

How exciting.

I feel my subject should be a topic of sufficient gravitas as befits the occassion.......................HHHhhhmmmmmmm I know, porn!

And not just any porn, oh no, animal porn!

I know I know, how unusual from Pinky, something kinky, but wait this is hilarious.

And relax, I'm not talking beastiality, well not inter-species anyway. But you see in Thailand there is this Panda couple who are having difficulties.

It seems they just don't want to mate.

Despite the fact that they are in a country where sex is more available than Paris Hilton, these bears are refusing to do the Panda Position and so remain unprogenated.

Personally I feel for the poor lady panda. I mean imagine how it would feel. There you having a nice time chowing down on some bamboo and all of a sudden this obviously quite unattractive boy panda arrives.

He probably smells bad, has dubious toilet habits and keeps trying to ply her with fermented bamboo so she'll let him have his wicked panda way.

She's therefore keeping herself 'nice' till Panda Charming comes along. Of course we all know that there are generally fuck all pandas in the world, and finding a charming one is about as likely as me finding a decent single bloke in Auckland.

She, however, is steadfastly gripping her utopian dream like a Remuera debutante grips her Merchant Banker Fetish.

Their keepers though are frustrated with their lack of panda-tang and have decided to take an interesting approach.

For the next while the couple will be played porn in an effort to stimulate their breeding bits. And no I don't mean re-runs of Once, Twice Three Times a Labia, Shaving Ryan's Privates and In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon, I mean actual panda porn.

And anyway watching human porn wouldn't help in the slightest for mating purposes.

For a start the first thing the male Panda would do was to try and fix the plumbing. Then the two girl pandas would get down to some serious rug tending while the boy panda watched. Then when finally some mating did occur, just at the crucial moment the boy would pull out and aim at the girl panda's face. Hopeless.

No they're been shown footage of two other pandas at it like.....well pandas. It's the karma sutra for the Oriental Bear and they're hoping it will bear fruit.

I'll keep you posted.

Cheers