Number One

OK so this is it, the beginning, or should I say the end.

I have been writing weekly columns on two of New Zealand's biggest websites, Xtra and NZGirl for the past four years and I have decided it's time to strike out alone! No more asterisks, no more "can you tone it down" and no where near as many readers I'd hazard to guess, BUT one has to start somewhere.

Don't get me wrong, they were both fabulous and everyone involved was very supportive. I mean it's fair enough if they don't want me to say fuck-knuckle on their site.

I'm not exactly sure what can be achieved by saying fuck-knuckle in the first place.....but now I can and that makes me happy.

SO anyway, hello, nice to meet you, my name is Penny Ashton and I'm a comedienne, poet, writer, improviser, voice over artist, actor and social commentator.

What's your name?

What do you do?

What's your star sign?

Good.

Well nice to meet you, I'm going to go now but I hope to see you soon.

Choice.

PS Here's a soppy poem to read if you're in the mood
PPS ......fuck-knuckle, hehehehehe


Finger Licking Good

I’m counting my chickens
My plot has just thickened
My mind is a riot of free range smitten
Thoughts, that I’d previously fought, didn’t want to get caught
In the No. 8 wire of expectations, fraught, overwrought
Valentine’s bought
for a man I just met
BUT I am counting my chickens
Coz its been slim pickins And I’m having more fun than a pig in the thickest mud
He boils my blood
A relentless stud
Who causes a grey-less cloud free flood
Of smiles
Hours just whiled away in a bed
With new colours in my head Like yellow and strawberries and crispy French Bread
He’s the tickle of new things
Aeroplane wings, the eye-full tower in my bed springs
A fantastically dirty boy sexy fresh fling
Who hangs round my neck like a beautiful bling
With a chest doused in hair
And my underwear
And sometimes I just forget to come up for air
SO I’m counting my chickens
Coz this girl’s been bitten
Not bitter or quitter but just go and get him
I know it’s the glow of “In the Beginning”
But his herbs and spices are just finger licking