As shaving cream pies are being tossed into Gollum's face whilst he is being defended by Lucy Liu (thanks Twitter) I am contemplating my own battles ahead.

Mine are a lot more savoury than various newspaper hacks hacking into dead girl's answerphones however and guaranteed to generate many more belly laughs. (Though to be fair that shaving cram pie had me laughing quite substantially, all that was missing was Mr Humphries squealing "You're not free" to Rebekah Brooks.)

But I digress.

My upcoming battle is with that age old performer's anxiety of, "Jesus I hope some people come to my shows!" You see I am about to embark on yet another tour of New Zealand with two separate shows Hot Pink Bits, and Hot Pink Teeth 'n' Tits and the nervous anticipation of whether or not anyone will turn up is consuming my mind like Oprah on fried biscuits.

Comediennes are some of the most insecure people you will ever meet. We derive our sense of self-worth by people laughing at us. Most people would take that as an insult and hit the Kronic, but for us it is our highest aspiration in life.

It is therefore nerve-wracking everytime we put ourselves out there hoping to not be rejected. And of course the ultimate rejection is when no one comes. I could call it character building, if I was David Cameron's spin doctor, but it's something I can do without.

There's nothing like flyering the streets of Edinburgh for 4 hours to have absolutely no one turn up to your final 11pm show in a Portaloo. As far as character building goes that makes my character the size of that tall weird building in Malaysia, but it's something I've hopefully moved past.

BUT sadly not the anxiety. For all my shows coming up I already have more booked than none, so that's a start. BUT that age old question of "Will I go to jail from debt" is never far from your mind. I love performing, not being a P freak's bitch, so fingers, toes and labias crossed.

My partner, of the previous windy pops post, can be quite bewildered by it all. He probably often muses to himself that I am mental with therapy needs, and he may well be correct. But when it comes down to it I'd rather be a mental optimist than a sane person doing something I hate.

So if you're in Blenheim, Kaikoura, Waimate or Christchurch please do come along and watch my insecurities die like Navy Seals watched Bin Laden.... but with less guns, novelty beards and shouting "Allah Akbah!" if you don't mind.

Hot Pink Bits

Blenheim Civic Theatre, July 22nd, 7.30pm
Bookings: www.ticketdirect.co.nz, 03 520 8560

Kaikoura, Memorial Hall, July 23rd, 8pm
Bookings: www.eventfinder.co.nz or in person at Paper Plus, 41 West End.

Waimate Regent Theatre, Shearman Street, 27th July, 7.30 pm Bookings: Parkers, Queen Street, Waimate, ph 03 689 8772

Hot Pink Teeth 'n' Tits

CHRISTCHURCH
Paparoa School Hall, 8pm, July 29 - 30 and August 5 - 6, Paparoa School Hall, Bookings: www.eventfinder.co.nz, for more ticketing information email: pennyhotpink@gmail.com