In breaking news I have been nominated for a Myspace Choice Award! Vote for me at www.myspace.com/kiwihub. The fact that I am up against Dai Henwood, Flight of the Conchords AND Rhys Darby means nothing...It's obviously between Josh and Cori.

A few comments recently, however nicely intended, have pissed me right off....

The Arrogant Poem

You tell me I look good….

For 35

And I tell you to go fuck yourself

I mean of course it’s nice to be told that I look good

But you say 35 like it’s amazing that I’m Alive

That any minute now a blood vessel in my brain will burst

Rigor mortis posing me in my hearse in my last act of knitting booties

Beloved lawn bowls timetable clutched to my chest

Which now rests at my knees

Sent there with the velocity

Of age

A tattoo of my favourite zimmer frame adorning my skin which resembles a leather suitcase from 1927

Oestrogen levels at minimum

Osteoporosis, necrosis, Alzhemiers, Parkinson’s closing in

Metabolism plumbing the depths and plumbing well let’s just say… inept

A road map of varicose veins solidifying in my remains

At 35

And we wonder why women disappear from our TV screens once they’ve been smacked about by 4 decades of misogyny

Alpha Male can bang on til he’s blue in the face and little blue pills are mandatory for banging the intern for his trophy case.

Bruce Forsythe is 81 and hosting BBC TV, born in 1928, when JFK was elected he was 23, When Charles and Di got married he was 53 and when his co-star was born, he was 43

People say Mick Jagger is still sexy and Keith Richards looks like an SUV did burnouts on his face

But it still graces the cover of rolling stone, no photoshopping required just an a glowing tribute to a man who has inspired a thousand riffs

And I’m not taking away from this

I just wonder where Wendy Petrie will be when she’s 80

Why Judy Bailey was removed at 53 despite massive popularity

Why there are not really any female presenters on C4 currently

Why radio shows never boast 2 females and one male generally

And why Jason Gunn is the host of every fucking thing

I saw a 94 year old woman in a documentary recently

That means she is 59 years older than me

And I’m looking good despite my age?

Newsflash …..women do not disappear at age 50

I’ve got a hell of a lot of living left in me

So thank you for saying I look nice, but ditch the coda

Lose the addendum, the footnote and start over

You may think you’re complimenting me but you’re not

Because I know I look good….but I look good fullstop.