In spite of what you may think I truly have a good excuse. I have been knee deep in porn and erection enhancement rings promoting and performing my new show Hot Pink Bits. And to be honest I've been partaking in some non-virtual pink bits activities as well.
OOO errrrr you say. Well yes.
But let's start at the very beginning , for as Julie Andrews says, it's a very good place to start.
So first on the Pinky agenda this year was the World Busker's Festival in Christchurch where I premiered my brand spanking new show Hot Pink Bits to a rather lovely response. I had nearly 1000 people come and see my pontifications on porn, prostitution and Lockwood Smith in dirty old Christchurch. I even spanked naughty councillor Barry Corbett's bot bot on stage for being a filthy perve......well actually he was a total sweetheart but it suited my show better for him to be a Cantabrian gimp with a rampant flagellation fetish AND desperate for a beating, so voila, he was.
And to think he did my birthday call on 3ZB when I was ten, I feel violated.
From there I toured my show to the Wellington Fringe Festival and my first entirely sold out season at Bats Theatre where I had a brilliant time. The staff and audience at Bats are amazing and do a fab job, and it was so nice to do such a successful season in the best indie theatre in the country. (Incidentally if you're ever in Wellington New Zealand, pop in and say hi and give them lollies, they're much more fun when they're bouncing off the walls on food colourings.)
Some of my reviews said quite choice things like:
Dominion Post Review 12th February 2007
Hot Pink’s Polish
Another show with sex as its centre the one-woman comedy Hot Pink Bits, playing at Bats. Written and performed by former Royal NZ Ballet dancer-turned-comedienne Penny Ashton, this polished and confidently performed show takes an irreverent look at sex that is far from dirty and very, very funny.It is not so much about how we do it – or don’t – as it is a quirky and fascinating look at things associated with sex, such as fetishes, prostitution and porn. ...... It is just a pity that Ashton is assigned only a five-night season as this highly professional show deserves a much longer run.
(For those of you who didn't know I was in the Royal NZ ballet.... neither did I!!! But I guess those 90's were a blur of cocaine and Russian contortionists so who knows.)
Scoop Review
12th February 2007
Penny Ashton’s lively show is an energetic hurtle through 7,5000 years of sex-obsessed human social evolution, from Palaeolithic stone idolatry through to Internet dominatri and 0900 relationships......Hot Pink Bits is cheerfully irreligious, and delightfully disrespectful of politicians, celebrities and many other desperate wannabes. The full spectrum of perversion is delicately sampled, with a wit that is sharp without ever being cruel.The audience was happy to be shamelessly manipulated, joining in a general knowledge quiz for prizes, offering up one lucky punter to act in a homage to ‘70s porn, and another to bump and grind, as well as participating en-mass in a stirring group orgasm. Ms Ashton’s enthusiasm and comedic competency deliver all that is promised, including the splendid corset which renders her remarkable chest remarkably chesty. ......This is a great evening out, equally fun for grownup boys or girls, whether desperate and dateless or durably coupled.
So there we go.
Since then I have been attempting to do things like vastly overdue GST returns but just can't be fucked.
Well actually I have been, and quite regularly, but unfortunately this isn't helping me achieve all my goals. Though to be fair as one of my goals is to be serviced by a very tall, very sexy man, it seems I am ticking that box quite satisfactorily but all the others have been as badly neglected as Anna Nicole's pot plants.
I have therefore dealt with this situation very maturely ........ by running away.
Hey, it worked for King Edward the Eighth, when he abdicated for that hotty Wallis Simpson.......
OK so maybe that's a bad comparison, and to be honest ever so slightly wanky, but nonetheless I am now holed up in Teal Bay 40 km out of Whangarei so I can recuperate and recharge my batteries with some salt water and Pinot Noir.
I am in a good old fashioned Kiwi Bach I found online that is about 20 metres away from the sea. I can hear it pounding away now as I type as a matter of fact and that makes me feel relaxed and happy. Hooray for New Zealand, I truly love the beach. I didn't used to, I used to be mortified of looking like a beached whale in a Speedo Spandex wrist cuff, buuuuuuut happily I'm over that now. I discovered the big breast bikini shop and now feel a little more comfortable about getting my mammaries out for general consumption.
Now some may think it blasphemous to be online at a bach but let me tell you I am on dial-up right now and waiting for a response from the Super Unleashed Snail network that is Telescam is just as painful as eating lentils and doing fire-poi, so feck off with your judgements.
So there.
Mind you I can only cope with dropping out out for 3 days max and will be back to the hectic pace of Auckland life on Thursday. And as I am here with girlyfriend from school, I am very much looking forward to whatever testosterone filled tall delights the City of Males may have to offer me.`
Choice
Penny
xo
And here are some photos from the show...
So many sexy men so little time....a lucky punter strips in HOT PINK BITS!
"Hello everyone, I'm Richard the Cock Puppet!"
Getting Friendly with the Repertory Audience
"And then, you like won't believe what happened!"
"I know, I can like hardly believe it myself!"
"Get em OFFFFF!"
Thank you and GOODNIGHT!
All Hot Pink Bits Photos © Dave Binstead
