HOT PINK BITS!
Everything You Never Wanted to Know……
Whatever happened to Divine Brown? Can a phone sex operator get RSI? Do people really have sex through a pizza? Frustrated you can’t look any of this up on your work computer? Then Hot Pink Bits is the show for you.
That’s right everyone’s favourite dirty girl Penny Ashton is back, and in 2007 she’s naughtier than ever. For her brand spanking new show Penny has trawled the ins and…outs of the international sex industry and will tell you all about the lives of the she’s, he’s, and she-males that make a living in the world’s oldest profession.
Resplendent in a hot pink corset, dripping in cheap jewelry and accompanied by Dwight the Ivory-tinkling Home-Schooled boy-Wonder, Ashton will sing, dance and pontificate on porn, prostitutes and Lockwood Smith in a burlesque-esque romp through the kickers of the global sex trade. There’ll be a group orgasm, a live sex show, an audience gimp and a very sexy stripper. Songs will be reinvented, fetishes will be indulged and Nana will need a lie down. But of course it will all be done…in the best POSSIBLE taste.
Penny Ashton is New Zealand’s own global comedienne who has been making a splash on the world stage since 2002. She has two Billy T nominations, five Best Female Comedienne nominations and one Adelaide Fringe People’s Choice nomination.
One day she hopes to win something.
“…can't fail on a stage in the English speaking world.” edinburghguide.com 2004
“…a potty mouthed Pam Ayres.” Metro Edinburgh 2005
"She was funny, charmingly friendly and warm......Pure class." Nelson Mail – September 2006
Ashton has performed all over New Zealand and in Canada, USA, Singapore, London, Australia, Germany and Scotland. In 2006, Penny represented New Zealand in The World Cup of Theatresports in Germany and Australasia in a Performance Poetry Slam Tournament Tour of the UK. She is a regular on National Radio, Breakfast TV and at the bar. She drinks sav blanc.
More of her global exploits and achievements can be read at www.hotpink.co.nz and www.myspace.com/hotpinkpennyashton.
Her HOT PINK BITS and other miscellaneous dates are as follows:
January 18th – 22nd as MC for the Late Night with the Buskers at the Loaded Hog, Cashel St, CHCH.
January 23rd – 27th HOT PINK BITS, Repertory Theatre, Kilmore St, CHCH, 9pm, Door Sales only
February 4th – 5th HOT PINK DOES ROTO-VEGAS, Rotorua Festival of the Arts
February 10th – 14th HOT PINK BITS, Wellington Fringe Festival, Bats Theatre, 8pm, Book on (04) 802 4175 or book@bats.co.nz
Hot Pink Bits – All Singing, All Dancing and ………All WRONG!
R18, Content WILL Offend
Thanks to DVice Shops for their kind support of HOT PINK BITS!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Today I did something monumental! I officiated over my very first union ceremony.
For those of you who don't know I am a Civil Union Celebrant. A civil Union is what the New Zealand government defines as a marriage that both homosexuals AND heterosexuals can enter into. Marriage is still the domain of heteros (though personally I don't know why they just didn't go the whole hog and let gays marry) but both persuasions can have a Civil Union.
The one I did was for a heterosexual couple who decided they supported the bill so much they would CUP instead of Marry. Which I liked as I can't actually marry people, as that's a lot harder to become qualified for and basically one of the old fuckers has to shuffle off the mortal coil before new ones are appointed!
MAN, that was a lot of legal mumbo jumbo so I'm glad we got that bullshit out of the way.
ANYWAY, it was really really lovely. Not just because of the fact their vows were lovely, the families were beautifully supportive and the rain held, but because I was the legal glue in the mix. I made it official, and that was waaaaaay cool, if I'm going to be intellectual about it.
It was really nice to be able to translate what I do, ie rabbiting on in front of people, into a meaningful setting. If you do a good gig at the classic people remember you for a few years maybe, but if you make their ceremony more special, your skills will be remembered indefinitely.
And though that sounds arrogant, as if it's all about me, it's not. It's just really fulfilling to turn talking crap into something more for other people to enjoy and remember.
OK yes I've had a few wines, and yes maybe you feel the fact you don't have anyone to say such lovely things to and that makes you slightly soppy, but either way I had a lovely time and SOOOO want to do more.
So if you want to CUP, just drop me a line, and if you want me to marry you, email your local MP!!!
Penny
For those of you who don't know I am a Civil Union Celebrant. A civil Union is what the New Zealand government defines as a marriage that both homosexuals AND heterosexuals can enter into. Marriage is still the domain of heteros (though personally I don't know why they just didn't go the whole hog and let gays marry) but both persuasions can have a Civil Union.
The one I did was for a heterosexual couple who decided they supported the bill so much they would CUP instead of Marry. Which I liked as I can't actually marry people, as that's a lot harder to become qualified for and basically one of the old fuckers has to shuffle off the mortal coil before new ones are appointed!
MAN, that was a lot of legal mumbo jumbo so I'm glad we got that bullshit out of the way.
ANYWAY, it was really really lovely. Not just because of the fact their vows were lovely, the families were beautifully supportive and the rain held, but because I was the legal glue in the mix. I made it official, and that was waaaaaay cool, if I'm going to be intellectual about it.
It was really nice to be able to translate what I do, ie rabbiting on in front of people, into a meaningful setting. If you do a good gig at the classic people remember you for a few years maybe, but if you make their ceremony more special, your skills will be remembered indefinitely.
And though that sounds arrogant, as if it's all about me, it's not. It's just really fulfilling to turn talking crap into something more for other people to enjoy and remember.
OK yes I've had a few wines, and yes maybe you feel the fact you don't have anyone to say such lovely things to and that makes you slightly soppy, but either way I had a lovely time and SOOOO want to do more.
So if you want to CUP, just drop me a line, and if you want me to marry you, email your local MP!!!
Penny
Friday, January 12, 2007
Happy New YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR
Yes yes yes, sorry I am crap. And I'm afraid nothing is about to change. Well unless you're a new reader that is as it's retro time again!
Yep as I am FLATOUT preparing for my new show:
HOT PINK BITS - Christchurch Busker's Festival, 23rd - 27th January, Repertory Theatre, 9pm, Door Donations Only
AS well as for the Rotorua Festival of the Arts - February 4th and 5th
AND the Wellington Fringe, Bats Theatre, 8pm, February 10th - 14th.
SO
I am repeating an XTRA column from two years ago when I had just done exactly what I'm about to do now.
Enjoy
Hot Head - 01.02.05
I'm sitting in a lovely cyber cafe in Rotorua on a Sunday afternoon. Earlier today, as is befitting my star status, I performed a 10 min set in the local shopping mall for three people and a dog. No I exaggerate, there were three dogs, no really there was a good crowd and it was actually a lot of fun. I always find it fun modifying my material to suit 8 year old ears and I even had an audience participant dressed all in pink be my human microphone stand. Hilarious stuff. Yes It's the Rotorua Festival of the Arts and I'm having a lovely time. Look ma, I'm finally playing Vegas.
This one is even better than usual however as I'm staying at the Novotel! Yes that's the Novotel. The flash place where I don't have to be suspicious if people take my bags, where they call me maam and where people actually bring me food to my room. I get so excited about room service I usually take photos of it. I haven't done that yet but it is early days.
I arrived yesterday, freshly sunburnt from the Christchurch Busker's Festival. There I was staying somewhere slightlyly less palatial - My Parent's house. Again I had a bloody marvellous time. I tell you there are worse ways to make a living than trip about the country making people laugh in the summertime. In Christchurch I performed 4 nights in a row at the Loaded Hog to roughly 300 people a night. Rock and Roll. They had a comedy club going that featured both busking types and comediennes. I explained to the audience that though I couldn't juggle, I was very good with balls, even managing 4 at once when I'm feeling lucky. They seemed to understand me.
It was an amazing vibe in a packed Hog and I wasurprisedy suprised to find many many single men in the audience. I gather I was a little intimidating for your average Christchurch type though with my week being disappointingly chaste. One man did offer up the pick-up line "I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I could sure make your bed rock" but only because he thought it would make a nice addition to my act. Ahhh well.
There was one man on my second night that deserves special mention. Ahhhh he was a treasure. He was part of a stag night, which I think stands for Stupid Tossers And Gonads. He was a prime gonad this one. When I told people to chat amongst themselves briefly while I collected my props he felt it would be a lovely moment to scream "LOSE WEIGHT" at me. Isn't that just too too special for words.
Ahh yes well XTRA if people found me intimidating before that moment you can just imagine what they thought after. Suffice to say, I was so enraged at that shit that I unleashed a torrent of abuse not seen since Mr Hilton thought he might do an internet search to see what his daughter had been up to. His genetalia was treated to a number of stunted vegetation references, as was his brain. His sexual prowess was found comparable with the life-span of bubbles and his general appearance was likened to a baboon's diseased nether regions.
I never actually saw his physique but I'll bet a significant amount that the beer he imbibed to fuel such a neanderthal statement isn't doing his waistline any favours. I was so incensed I went into a swearing frenzy and a bouncer commented at the end of my act; "You have got one filthy mouth - but that was fucking funny." Thank god for that.
That was the only blight on my time in Christchurch however. My parents came along to see me and blushed in all the right places. I saw heaps of wonderful international and local performers. I saw Sam Wills take his testicles out and put them on the forehead of a heckler in a show aptly names - Midnight Madness (ahhh boys). I saw Mario Queen of the Circus crowd surf around a busking audience in Cashel Mall. And I saw more jugglers than you could throw 5 devilsticks at.
Then yesterday morning I got up early, flew back to Auckland, packed up my car and drove to Rotorua in anticpation of Hot Pink Does RotoVegas tomorrow night. Guess I'll just have to see you there!
Yes yes yes, sorry I am crap. And I'm afraid nothing is about to change. Well unless you're a new reader that is as it's retro time again!
Yep as I am FLATOUT preparing for my new show:
HOT PINK BITS - Christchurch Busker's Festival, 23rd - 27th January, Repertory Theatre, 9pm, Door Donations Only
AS well as for the Rotorua Festival of the Arts - February 4th and 5th
AND the Wellington Fringe, Bats Theatre, 8pm, February 10th - 14th.
SO
I am repeating an XTRA column from two years ago when I had just done exactly what I'm about to do now.
Enjoy
Hot Head - 01.02.05
I'm sitting in a lovely cyber cafe in Rotorua on a Sunday afternoon. Earlier today, as is befitting my star status, I performed a 10 min set in the local shopping mall for three people and a dog. No I exaggerate, there were three dogs, no really there was a good crowd and it was actually a lot of fun. I always find it fun modifying my material to suit 8 year old ears and I even had an audience participant dressed all in pink be my human microphone stand. Hilarious stuff. Yes It's the Rotorua Festival of the Arts and I'm having a lovely time. Look ma, I'm finally playing Vegas.
This one is even better than usual however as I'm staying at the Novotel! Yes that's the Novotel. The flash place where I don't have to be suspicious if people take my bags, where they call me maam and where people actually bring me food to my room. I get so excited about room service I usually take photos of it. I haven't done that yet but it is early days.
I arrived yesterday, freshly sunburnt from the Christchurch Busker's Festival. There I was staying somewhere slightlyly less palatial - My Parent's house. Again I had a bloody marvellous time. I tell you there are worse ways to make a living than trip about the country making people laugh in the summertime. In Christchurch I performed 4 nights in a row at the Loaded Hog to roughly 300 people a night. Rock and Roll. They had a comedy club going that featured both busking types and comediennes. I explained to the audience that though I couldn't juggle, I was very good with balls, even managing 4 at once when I'm feeling lucky. They seemed to understand me.
It was an amazing vibe in a packed Hog and I wasurprisedy suprised to find many many single men in the audience. I gather I was a little intimidating for your average Christchurch type though with my week being disappointingly chaste. One man did offer up the pick-up line "I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I could sure make your bed rock" but only because he thought it would make a nice addition to my act. Ahhh well.
There was one man on my second night that deserves special mention. Ahhhh he was a treasure. He was part of a stag night, which I think stands for Stupid Tossers And Gonads. He was a prime gonad this one. When I told people to chat amongst themselves briefly while I collected my props he felt it would be a lovely moment to scream "LOSE WEIGHT" at me. Isn't that just too too special for words.
Ahh yes well XTRA if people found me intimidating before that moment you can just imagine what they thought after. Suffice to say, I was so enraged at that shit that I unleashed a torrent of abuse not seen since Mr Hilton thought he might do an internet search to see what his daughter had been up to. His genetalia was treated to a number of stunted vegetation references, as was his brain. His sexual prowess was found comparable with the life-span of bubbles and his general appearance was likened to a baboon's diseased nether regions.
I never actually saw his physique but I'll bet a significant amount that the beer he imbibed to fuel such a neanderthal statement isn't doing his waistline any favours. I was so incensed I went into a swearing frenzy and a bouncer commented at the end of my act; "You have got one filthy mouth - but that was fucking funny." Thank god for that.
That was the only blight on my time in Christchurch however. My parents came along to see me and blushed in all the right places. I saw heaps of wonderful international and local performers. I saw Sam Wills take his testicles out and put them on the forehead of a heckler in a show aptly names - Midnight Madness (ahhh boys). I saw Mario Queen of the Circus crowd surf around a busking audience in Cashel Mall. And I saw more jugglers than you could throw 5 devilsticks at.
Then yesterday morning I got up early, flew back to Auckland, packed up my car and drove to Rotorua in anticpation of Hot Pink Does RotoVegas tomorrow night. Guess I'll just have to see you there!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)