Ahhhh what you people reading this blog search for never ceases to amaze me. Welcome those who were looking for "pink beaver pics", "new zealand slang for tits" and "lindsie ward huge butt". I hope this tickles your fancy even if it doesn't necessarily tickle your pickle.

Moving on.

Well fuck me if it isn't all over rover.

2.5 months of Canadian Touring has flown by faster than a Paris Hilton Jail Sentence. I can hardly believe I've done five fringes, navigated across 5 provinces and performed my show 36 times BUT I have photographic evidence to prove it so it must be true.

I really did have an awesome time all the way across and it was capped off brilliantly with a rollicking final night bash in the Vancouver Fringe Club complete with gnashing of teeth and frothing dance moves.

I am one cool dude.

From Vancouver I jetted back to LA and then for one night I hit the spot where middle America comes to waddle, yeah baby yeah I mean VVVEEEGGGGAAASSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a totally bizarre, totally cool, totally stupid, totally awesome place it is.

I went with my mate Richard who got us a deal at the Imperial Palace. A somewhat low rent hotel with bad 80's furniture and a rash of Dealer-tainers. What's that you ask.....well read on Macduff.

A dealer-tainer is someone who does celebrity singing impersonations BUT obviously isn't quite good enough to make a living doing that full time so deals as well. The result is a croupier who dresses like Gwen Stefani and jumps up to belt out a number between crap shoots. Awesome.

It was here that on my first ever go on a table I turned $40 into $180 in under an hour playing Texas Hold-em Poker. I mentioned I'm a cool dude didn't I?? There is something wonderful about winning money in Vegas because all of a sudden it's play money. You didn't have it before so it becomes ear marked for frivolous purchases like $15US cocktails, Venetian Gondola Rides and a Chippendale rented by the hour. Awesome.

I had a go on some slots too because how could I resist when it's called "Pennyland"! BUT I really didn't do much gambling but rather soaked in the crazy atmosphere.

One thing I will say is that some of those hotels are quite frankly fucking beautiful. I expected it to be more tacky (and hell go to the Luxor and you'll find tacky) BUT the Venetian, The Bellagio, The Forum Shopping Centre and the Paris are just stunning stunning edifices to consumption, themed carpeting and neon BUT in a tasteful way. That may sound ridiculous but I was open-mouthed on numerous occasions and not just with the Chippendale. I especially loved Paris, as it's my favourite city and seeing it in miniature was too too cool, but the mini San Marco Piazza in the Venetian was wondrous too. They also are masters of themed lighting making it always look like dusk in Europe any hour of the day. Tres Awesomeant.

One thing the place lacked though, despite the tricky lighting, was seriously good looking people to go with the hotels.

I realise I'm no Julia Roberts poncing about the Bellagio in my Cowgirl Boots BUT come on people. It was as if Ohio had let their seniors (and their dogs) out for the week with strict instructions to wear a lot of polyester, sweat a lot and smoke in my face.

(YES you can still smoke INSIDE in Las Vegas. You can buy a cocktail at a bar and wander down the street with it AND you can smoke even in your hotel room. We were in a smoking room because our non-smoking room had a view of the rock band til 5am.)

I went in search of some totty to flirt with whilst my mate hit the hay, but eventually gave up sifting through the toupee's like rodents and the teeth like....rodents, so sat at a bar and paid for some drinks. (As opposed to getting those free ones from the girls wearing nothing when you're gambling.) I was soon chatting away to two lovely English lads in town for a 30th birthday and sat there doing that til 6am discussing politics, English pubs and how pissed we all were. Aweshhhhum.

I then passed out myself in my Marlborough Light room before a walk of the other end of the strip the next day. It was here we discovered M&M World. A merchandise store for M&M's that was four stories high, had the smell of chocolate pumped through, had figurines of M&M's for $1200 US and a 3D movie adventure called "I left my M in Vegas".

I think that sums the place up really.

Awesome.

Tomorrow I land in Mexico City, stay tuned for Mojito fuelled treatises on how beans affect my Gringo Stomach Lining.

Not quite so awesome.

In Christchurch in three hours my sister Suzie and Dad will be attending the funeral of Graham Condon who was an amazing Cantabrian.

Graham was the father of one of my sister's closest friends, and he was killed in a road accident on Saturday. He was an incredibly inspirational man who was in a wheelchair from childhood and became a Paralympian World Record Holder and passionate city councillor. He was an awesome father and friend who didn't seem to mind at all that I drank some of their wine when I was pissed at Suzie's hen's night, which was at their house.

I wish I could buy him a drink now and recite a poem, which he often wanted me to do.

SO I'm off to the Vancouver Beach aptly called Wreck Beach, to send love and probably a few tears across the Pacific for Kathy, Andrea and Craig.

Arohanui Graham. xo

DO NOT repeat DO NOT buy cowgirl boots from The Leather Shop in West Ed Mall. After three weeks they have fallen apart! Fuckers.

Why oh Why Canada do you have such huge gaps in

your toilet doors!

Here's to suffragettes and new bras!

Gimme Food Bitch!

The Ferrari Oestarossa

Lake Louise

The View from atop The Cable Car Port, Jasper.

I climbed a mountain!

The Big Rock Brewery Stage. Or as I prefer to call it the little shitty crappy stage.

NZ's Kim Potter excites an audience member.

Fire Wankers

The Fringe Site

The Death Car with Greasy Man

The Free for All Promo Spot.

Thrilled to be here!

Settle in kids, it’s an epic to rival Harry Potter…….

Wow Saskatoon seems like a million miles away from Edmonton Airport Gate 56 and in some ways it is.

I have only one fringe left on my epic Canadian World Domination Tour and I cannot believe how quickly it has flown by.

The Edmonton Fringe was the best one yet for me. I virtually sold out my entire run, got some lovely reviews and consolidated some great friendships along the way. I stayed with a lovely family who distracted me far too often from work with home-made red wine, (which surprisingly did not taste like beaver pee) and went to the infamous West Ed Mall.

For those in the don’t know, WEM is the biggest shopping centre in the world. It has a water park, an amusement park, an ice-skating rink, a sea lion enclosure (the dolphins kept dying) and oh yeah….shops.

As the Edmonton “summer” was more reminiscent of Scott’s expedition, I decided that rather then eat some dogs I should buy some winter woollies.

What a shame.

I also rode the Mind Bender Roller Coaster or as I prefer to call it the Neck Cracker, or as the weird man behind us said - the Death Car.

As my mate Nile and I were settling in waiting for the coaster to chug off into a stomach churning whirly-gig, this slightly greasy, frankly creepy dude behind us told us the story of how the very car we were sitting in once flew off to tracks in mid corkscrew and turned it’s inhabitants into Prime Canadian Mince Meat.

Wicked.

We survived but only just and were both in need of some serious neck readjustment afterwards.

After Edmonton’s madness was all over I had a week off before the Vancouver Fringe so I decided to cheat death once more, by hiring a car and driving on the wrong side of the road through the Canadian Rockies. Just call me Evil Penevil……..or something like that.

I decided to tootle through Alberta as opposed to driving to Vancouver, as to afford a one way hire in Canada is to sell all non-vital organs. SO I made it to Jasper, Banff and Calgary in one piece with only heading off on the wrong side of the road once. I did better than when I hired a bike in Belgium when I was 23 and made it a fair few hundred metres on the left wondering why everyone was looking at me funny. I was lucky I didn’t end up a Belgian Biscuit. (see what I did there….yes well.)

The Rockies really are very stunning, but at first I found it hard to get too excited as really it’s just the South Island but everyone says… “eh” a little more. A few of us hired a house in Jasper and I was perfectly happy to curl up inside with Cable TV, pasta, wine AND wireless internet. BUT you will be pleased to know I did manage to get owt and abowt in the wilderness and even climbed a mountain.

On my way to Banff I made a stop in Lake Louise which is truly stunning though horrendously touristy, scrambled about on a glacier and then settled into a night at the YWCA. Oh the glamour. Banff would be picturesque too if didn’t look like Baghdad. They’re digging up the main street and redoing the sewers apparently, either that or looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction I couldn’t be sure. Canada does have a lot of oil.

HHHmmmmm.

From Banff I made a stop in Canmore which is a cute little town where I decided I wanted to head off on a non-touristy path. And boy did I find one. After following what seemed like a trail, even though I was suddenly envisaging Grizzly Bears at every turn (just what sort of animal crap is THAT!), I ended up stranded when the trail disappeared in a field of nettles and gorse. There was nothing for it so I thrashed through in my new Cowgirl Boots from WEM towards what looked like civilisation.

Yes well. Just as I thought I had made it I encountered a river that I had to forge. OK so maybe a creek, but it was slimy and no doubt filled with Kiwi eating beavers….(um er so to speak.) I managed to get across with only slipping once and dunking my butt.

Did I mention the glamour.

From there I kept on to Calgary where I had arranged to stay with some members of the fabulous Obscene But Not Heard comedy troupe. Downtown Calgary was pretty cool, and even sports a statue to some suffragettes who got a law changed here in Canada that had determined that women were not people and therefore couldn’t run for parliament. Ahhhhh men.

After a night on the tiles I ended up staying somewhere other than expected due to someone getting lucky and me having no desire to knock on his door and say; “Oh sorry if you could just stop pleasuring the lady and let me in I promise to be quiet and you just get back to it….” SO thanks Nicole!

So then it was back to Edmonton to grab the bulk of my stuff, drop off the Ferrari Oestarossa and head here to the airport.

SO Vancouver here I come, I have a couple of poetry gigs lined up and yet another season of flashing my bits, oh and in exciting breaking travel news after V-City I’m going to VEGAS baby. AND I don’t mean Ashburton neither, wooooohooooooooo.

Fingers crossed for some Glamour!

So here are some fabulously silly pics for the post below. Yes I am arse about face. (Which is to say I'm "back the front" as opposed to butt ugly.)



Paul Thorne dressed as Me. HHHHmmmm.

About to be kissed where I wasn't expecting to be in order to turn into a Queen like the man on his knees.....where he usually is I'm sure.
Rob Gee has two beers in one hand and tits in another, Life doesn't get any better..... well maybe if the tits weren't beanbags.
Paul Thorne has changed back into himself rather then being me.

Paul and I suckle my Tits together, quite a feat.

Rob comes onto Kristian in a typically English Way.
Canada's Next Top Models

Yes there was alcohol involved in Spoof Night.

Alison kicks Spandex Butt!
Rob Plays Alex Eddington from The Fugue Code to an A.

My Jenny Award for Best Bumper and Peeler from Winnipeg.

Jenny, my love.

OOhhh some poster whore has been here in Winnipeg Beer Garden. And here on a lampost.


Some old churchy thing.

A Furry suited up and waiting for some Police Loving.

Johnny P in Market Square Winnipeg

As the fabulous German Band Die Roten Punkte would say....... "Danke Saskatoooooooon!"

Today I head to Edmonton to continue this Fringe Odyssey, or should I say Penelopiad, and as I drive out of town stuffed into someone else's car I will smile fondly back at the little Fringe that could.

With only 55 shows here it's certainly the smallest Fringe on tour but I have had a brilliant time here and I even sold two CD's. It helped that I finally remembered to tell an audience I had some with me, that is usually the key to selling them.

We've all gotten to know each other here that little bit better. Drinking beer and dancing til 4am to Madonna and Basement Jaxx will do that really. But we've also thought about each other's shows in whole new ways.

Last two nights have been spoof night when we each drew the name out of a hat of another show and then presented a three minute spoof of that show. I was spoofed by the lovely Paul Thorne who is an English stand-up. (.Photos below) He seemed to think I was talking about the number 6 as opposed to SEX. He may have been mocking my accent (not to mention my tits) but I choose to believe he wouldn't be so mean.

It was a freakin hilarious evening if a little nerve wracking. I had no idea if my spoof of The Frog and Toad are Not Friends and Never Will Be and This is Why would be at all funny. Turns out if you turn a kid's show in a gay amphibian love story with a donkey rutting scene thrown in, people like it!

Who'd have thought.

Anyways I have to pack up, photos will be posted soon!

So imagine this scene, you've amassed a very decent crowd with seven hours of flyering on the streets of Saskatoon.

You're waiting backstage eager to knock their socks off.

Your intro music comes (even if the tech is a moron who keeps fucking it up even with repeated instruction.)

You waltz on ready to charm the pants of the Tooners when.......no lights. Nothing, nada, zip, ix-nay on the ights-nay, kaput.

Said technician starts making frantic manoeuvres at the back of the stage as he tries to fix the problem but.............nothing.

Then like a beacon to a lost sailor on a shipwrecked plank the FOH lady shines a torch at me from the back of the room. Then eager beavers (we are in Canada) in the audience join in and all of a sudden I'm bathed slightly in torchlight so what the hell, I start my show.

I do five minutes of material like this before the tech gets the board back up and running. I thank him for that but not for the ensuing mistakes in the show making me look silly.

However it'll be a night I remember for quite some time!

OH and here's another fab review :)

Hot Pink Bits
Venue 7 – The Conservatory
Hilarious! Hilarious! Hilarious! Some audience members were laughing so hard that they were in tears. A solid show from Kiwi performer Penny Ashton, aka “Mistress Hot Bits”. She takes us along, through the “ins and outs” of the global sex trade in a funny, well-rounded way. From porn to prostitution, from S&M to furries, she talks about it all.

While not glossing over the obvious negative impacts of the sex trade, she still manages to present it all in an upbeat beat fashion, deliver laugh after laugh. The show is very smart and full of interesting facts and statistics about the sex trade. Did you know that it was only one year after the first film was released that the first porno film was released? … Well, you would know this and much more if you saw this show. Lots of games, songs, audience participation, and free stuff. A true gem, this show may certainly be the best comedy at the Fringe this year.

- Cindy Murdoch UMFM

Well here I sit in my tiny room that I'm sharing with the lovely Alison from a play called The Fugue Code in tiny Toon Town otherwise known as Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

Now don't get me wrong, if there was anyone in the world easier to share a room with I'd be very surprised. But I haven't shared a room since my sister moved out when I was about ten and I like it that way.

It's like having a boy over to stay but with none of the fringe benefits of the occasional orgasm and a manly chest to lie on.

I'm also staying in a rather devout household with many a picture of Jesus dotted about and much talk of christian ethics and church. As an atheist this is a new environment for me BUT I was dragged up proper and I can be respectful. They have been nothing but entirely generous and lovely and kind with driving me about the place BUT I'm not sure they'll be taking in my show about the sex industry and if they do I confess (not with a priest of course) to be pleased my piss-take of the Lord's prayer which comes complete with the lines: "Give us this day our daily head" and "Ahhhhh lots of men" is not in the international version of my show.

A-hem.

I have only done one show here so far which had a whole 21 people attending. But as it was 4pm on a Thursday on the first day of the Fringe with no one about on the street I was thrilled with that. Is funny how our expectations change from day to day. I am also performing here in a school gym. Oh the dizzy heights of fame where I get changed next to a hockey net and some plastic hockey sticks. (Probably the Canadian equivalent of Kiwi Cricket.)

My tech also didn't turn up til 15 mins before I was supposed to go on on Thursday, so that was exciting too. (Though not as exciting as in Winnipeg where the group before me took off with my CD and I nearly had to cancel my last show as I stupidly had no back-up and was bawling in the theatre calling then cunts when it came running in the door.)

But apart from that Winnipeg rocked the party! I won Best of Fest, got a four and a half star review in the Winnipeg Sun (see below) and made some brilliant friends. That town sure knows how to Fringe with some couples taking in 60 or 70 shows in the course of 10 days! Personally my eyes would start to bleed if I did that I think but I saw around 22 shows.

I also got two of the worst reviews in my life in Winnipeg, well actually the only 2 truly bad reviews in my life ever. And one of these was from the same show as the 4 1/2 star review in the Sun. Proving art is entirely subjective indeed. I could go into some in depth analysis of their reasons for not enjoying my show but I think I'll just call them twats. SO there, twats.

OOOOOhhh I'm so mature.

Anyways I have to go and break bread for lunch and then get my pink ass down to the festival centre to flyer. Wish me luck.

Ahhhhhhhh lots of men.

HOT PINK BITS

Venue 7, The Conservatory

Sex sells Fringe tickets -- so there's really no need to promote New Zealander Penny Ashton's delightfully sleazy set of sketches. But those left outside the bedroom, er, theatre oughta know what they're missing.

After explaining "pink bits" is New Zealand slang for private parts, Ashton (aka Hot Pink) reveals herself -- in a decolletage-boosting (OK, they're practically popping out) bustier gown primed for burlesque.

Starting with a brief history of porn, Ashton sings, shimmies and pulls random audience members along for the, ahem, ride. A string of erotic bits about the origins of prostitution, fetishes you never thought could exist (don't even get us started on the "Roman shower") and how amputees do the deed is sandwiched between interesting sex facts, trivia games (with suitable prizes), a number by Hot Pink's, uh, sock puppet and saucy remakes of Madonna's Hung Up and Ricky Martin's She Bangs.

Audience members are called on to make bedroom sound effects, and while those shy of the subject matter might squirm, Ashton is as warm and self-deprecating as she is bold -- and hilariously sexy.

Sun Rating: 4 1/2 out of 5
-- Lindsey Ward

Well what can I say, Winnipeg rocks the PARTY!

This fringe is sooooooo much more fun for me than the Toronto one. I have audiences! More than that I have had 2 totally and one virtually sold out audiences. I have had people loving the show. I have restored my faith in the show. I have smiled more and cried less. Winnipeg I love you!

I have been blogging for the CBC here and this is the link if you want to know what life on the Fringe is like:

http://www.cbc.ca/manitoba/features/fringe2007/blog/penny_ashton/

OK off to see more shows, Life is better, much much better.

Some Toronto Pictures, A Post Prequel.





















My Venue #3 - Theatre Passe-Muraille

















A Saucy Tart in the Changing Room (Nice Bra!)

















A Saucy Tech Tart, the Lovely Tara.




















Backstage Glamour!















Frontstage Glamour













Some Teenagers Bedroom

Yes yes yes, I've been crap. I know, LOOK stop bugging me about it all four of you! I have been VERY busy, I AM on tour you might remember, I am QUITE often drunk you realise.

Ah well I'm not drunk now (not through lack of trying but there was no one at the pub) BUT I am high on Diet Coke so I thought it was about time I splurged on some wordage and wrote about how many truly mental people there are in Toronto.

To be fair I am coming to you now live and uncut from Winnipeg where I arrived yesterday, and hey, there are some quite mental people here too, but in Toronto I lived between a homeless shelter and a nuthouse, so it was mental-palooza with lashing of spontaneous masturbation and a dribble of drool.

We in New Zealand rarely see people begging for money on the street. Sure it is a starting trend but for the most part anyone sitting on the sidewalk has generally twisted something running or is a home school child playing the piano to raise money to go to the Maths Olympiad.

Living in London I perfected my "sorry" smile and wave when being asked for money, and it got a big workout in Toronto. One man did make me laugh when he enquired; "Can you spare $100.......or maybe just some change" I still didn't give him anything, being a cold hearted bitch, but ahhhhh how we both giggled.

But then there were the just plain crazy, mamma took P when breastfeeding, Daddy hit me in the head with a brick and the state took away my lithium nutjobs EVERYWHERE!

In Starbucks a woman sat innocuously for a few minutes then started screaming, clutching at thin air, frothing at the mouth and going on and on about "McKenzie" being a cunt and how terrible the "niggerzzzzzzzzz, niggerz, niggerz niggerzzzzzz" were. Very Kramer from Seinfeld! (NOTE the N word is in quote marks, I did not say it!)

Then another woman sat next to me on the Street Car just incessantly babbling about "the world, and everyone's in the world and we all have you place and we have to be happy, and help each other and do the right thing in the world............" and just went onnnnnnnnnnn and onnnnnnnnnnnnn like a bad Martha Stewart episode. (Actually just like a Martha Stewart episode, they're all bad.)

When I got a text she leaned into me and said; "What a pretty sound, can you make it do it again, can you, can you, can you?!?!?" So i said; "No" and steadfastly ignored her, being the cold hearted bitch that I am.

One man was on the street dressed in black wizard's clothes ranting at traffic, another danced about outside Second Cup (Canada's Starbucks) and another crazy chick was singing to herself on the street. Oh, no wait.........that was me, but the rest were whack jobs.

The worst and craziest one of all though was the one who sat next to me on the Street Car, then told me she liked my pink eye-shadow, then flashed her badge at me and started talking about Jesus and the message. Totally mental, her badge said something about Latter Day Saints and she reckoned she was a missionary, I mean really, some people.

So yeah, Toronto, it has a Lake, a Tower (that I never went up!), a funky downtown, and a brigade of idiots six skaters short of a hockey team. I did seven shows there and had an OK time, the Fringe is hard and it wasn't the most fun I've had performing, but I stayed with a lovely lady and got a feel for the place.

One woman who often gets felt in the place was the topless chick who interviewed me about the environment on the street for the Naked News. That was a highlight and if you like to watch the NN look out for me. I'm the one staring at the other chick's tits, I mean really, where was I supposed to look!

SO onwards and upwards, Winnipeg here I am, so get off your arse and come and see my HOT PINK BITS!

Well the show is ticking along nicely, BUT it is weird only having done three shows then having two days off, I don't feel I've really sunk my teeth into the Canadian Scene yet. In Edinburgh it's 22 shows in 24 days so that's the complete opposite, this is strangely leisurely by comparison.

Still it means I get to do things like go to the Toronto Beaches on Lake Ontario yesterday with my lovely Billet and snack on Greek Food before wandering along the boardwalk and taking photos of Squirrels. (They're so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!)

On Monday night I also went to an outdoor poetry event where I wanted to stab out my eyeballs some of it was soooooooooooo fucking boring. One woman made throat noises for 15 minutes, it was apparently "sound" poetry or as I call it utter bollocks. The amazing Shane Koyczan was performing though (refer to Poetry Idol blogs) so was good to see him again. I've shared beers with him now in three different countries, this international itinerant artist stuff is fun.

I am currently avoiding flyering for my 6pm show but it's time I got off my ass and did so, more to come soon. I got a job blogging for CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) in Winnipeg so will probably post those here as well, so will be much more prolific at least for 10 days or so from next week.

In the mean time here's some Toronto snaps including a rather unfortunately named clothing store on Queen St, hhhmmpphhhhahahaha.

















The Lovely Ruth, My Fabulous Billet

















You Talking to Me?

















All Clothes Sold Here are 100% Machine Washable

Last night at the opening of the fifth season of Hot Pink Bits, and its first outside of New Zealand, something quite remarkable happened.

A man exposed his underpants onstage.

I did encourage him to remove his shoes and just take his trousers off BUT suddenly my audience volunteer stripper got a little shy at that point.

But never mind, he was hands down one of the best strippers I’ve ever seen, and that includes professionally.

He was one of the more enthusiastic members of my audience on my Opening Night here in Canada and today's 12pm on a saturday group were a lot more responsive, but still he flashed his somewhat weedy chest for all to see so he is officially a Hot Pink Bits Legend.

I only hope my 11pm on a Sunday Night of a supposed 35 degree day are still awake, I'm trying to pitch it as a cult event SO we will see what happens!

Fingers Crossed!

Well as I sit here in a towel looking oh so glamorous in a dinky Toronto Apartment right downtown I am coming to realise I am opening a show this Friday. (Not at 8.45 as my website suggests BUT at 7.30 just in case you're coming along!)

I left Auckland on saturday amidst a hail of tears and snot having to leave all my beautiful friends behind for four months, and of course one beautiful friend in particular.

I HATE goodbyes and I thought I'd had enough at Heathrow Terminal Three in the 90's. Back then I had short hair and bad clothes and waved goodbye to a boyfriend and a gaggle of friends through mascara stained eyes, and I thought I wouldn't have to do that again.

But nationalities, Visa issues and an unexpected email back in January from a lovely Brit Fireman conspired against me and so I have leaked on and off since I left thinking of halcyon KareKare days.

BUT enough of the wallowing in self-pity, time to snap out of my oestrogen fuelled depression spiral and start selling my ass on the Toronto Sts. No not for research for my show on Prostitution but rather to get punters to come and see me.

Since I left NZ I have drunk beers on a boat in Marina Del Ray, slurped Frozen Yoghurt on the beach at Playa Del Ray, been to Chocolate Sunday at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood (where I understood 50 % of the African American Themed evening), toasted with Cocoa Brown finalist in America's Got Talent and finally ended up here in T'ronto eh.

And luckily here I'm being billetted with the fabulous Ruth whose apartment is cosy, fully equipped, has a lovely double bed for me in my own room AND a gorgeous rooftop garden!

So I guess it's not all bad, lol.

Today I head off to get a SIM card so I can text everyone at home, try to find a plastic Martini Glass and pick up my 2000 flyers to hand out to anyone I can find. I only hope my Adult Themed Prize packs have arrived from www.fromaphrodite.com and that the cordless microphone turns up at my venue tomorrow.

I also hope all my new Canadian Jokes go down a storm - ie "Have you heard of the great Canadian Porn - Brokeback Mounties (Thanks Dan) and of course the famous Canadian Porn Star - William Shat-in-her. TASTY!

OK people wish me luck, and here's to smiling a bit more frequently too.

HOT PINK BITS - Toronto Fringe
Venue #3 - Theatre Passe-Muraille Mainspace 16 Ryerson Avenue
Fri July 6 @ 7.30PM Sat July 7 @ 12.30pm Sun, July 8 @ 11PM Wed, July 11 @ 6 PM Thu, July 12 @ 8.45 PM Fri, July 13 @ 4.30PM Sat, Jul 14 @ 3.30 PM

















The Laugh Factory
















Cocoa Brown - Finalist in
America's Got Talent

"Do we really need a Penny Ashton shoving Oral Sex down our throats."

Says Disgruntled of Dannevirke after today's Panel on Radio New Zealand National where I was a panellist along with the lovely Jon Bridges.

NOW that is the best quote of my life, apparently I can shove oral sex down a throat through a radio wave.

I am AMAZING.

I'm not going to tell you what it was ALL about, suffice to say it involved virgins, rings, parents, The United Kingdom, chastity pledges, ensuing STD's and how anal sex isn't real sex in the eyes of god.....apparently.

OH and me shoving oral sex down throats.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.............

Good on me I say, the world needs more oral sex, so go on everyone, get out there and shove it.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1971097.ece