Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Emmy's and Celebs Behaving Badly


Well hello Good Morning faithfuls.  It’s Gossip Wench Wednesday again and here I am to deliver some tasty morsels of gossipy goodness.

I’m kicking off this week with one of the stock standard gossip mainstays…an Awards ceremony!  The 65th Primetime Emmy Awards dawdled their way through Monday afternoon before dying slowly after 3.5 hours of floundering in a pool of tepid laughs. The Emmy’s suffer from repetitive fame injury as every year the same shows go head to head with often the same winners.  As such the host has to be extra funny as do the set pieces.  Sadly Jimmy Kimmel’s skits made Schindler’s List look like Seinfeld.  The jokes were lamer than a Seabiscuit with 3 broken legs and an ingrown hoof.

There were some highlights with Jon Stewart fighting his way past Stephen Colbert, Julia Louis Drefuss switching speeches with Amy Poehler and Damian Lewis’ excellent speech and surprise win, but not even Ricky Gervais’ hilarious short stint could save the overall feeling of the show.  It was like being bored to death by your boring uncle at a boring family function.

It amazes me how people that are responsible for making marvellous tele could make such a bad tele show.  Points however to Sofia Vergara for splitting her dress with her magnificent booty then sharing it with the world via twitter saying “Yes, this happened twenty minutes before we won!” or more like "Jshess, dis haaaapen tweany menuts befour we waaan".

Here’s a great Live Blog from the Guardian for an indepth analysis.

Yes Jon Cryer I'm surprised too...but happy for you.  I loved Pretty in Pink.

In a breaking story from under the news desk, Monica Lewinsky has been shopping a tell-all book around literary agents recently.  She has apparently come to terms with the fact that all she will ever been known as is someone who kept “that” dress and did that “thing” with Billy Boy Clinton and is determined to make some money out of it.  I do feel sorry for the woman, she after all was a young intern and he was the most powerful man in the world yet he is seen as a great studly guy who is the darling of the dinner speaking circuit and she is seen as a ho with a fondness for cigars.  I can understand her wanting to make some money out of her decades of shame, I imagine the oral version will go off, BUT the person I feel most sorry for is Hilary as this may affect her tilt at the Whitehouse.

Still, at least she won’t have to sit at “that” desk.


My what a big ... intellect you have.


Paris Hilton is not known for her sterling intellect nor social graces.  Yet I would never have pegged her for a homophobe. However in a cab ride with friends recently she was recorded as saying gays were “disgusting” when discussing the app Grindr (which brings guys together who are looking to share a hot chocolate).  It is unfair to record a private recording but to say all gay guys will get AIDS is also rather ignorant.  Paris has apologised however and promised to try harder.  Something I would not have thought possible.


See she loves fairies really.

I will hardly waste any pixels on the following story but it is reported that Kanye wants Kim Kardashian to lose 10 kilos and dress more like Kate Middleton.  I am presuming this story is hogwash, as to dress like Kate, Kim would have to stop eating for a month and her whole image is based on her curves. If it is true then Kanye is a dick.  The end.


Yeah, she's sooooooooo fat.  I'm amazed a team of scientists didn't turn up to roll her off the beach.

And finally in baby news Robbie Williams has spawned.  Teddy or Theodora Rose was born last week to Robbie and his wife Ayda Field and Robbie tweeted a rather cute pic of him and his little Angel.  I imagine through it all he offers her protection, a lot of love and affection, whether he’s right or wrong.  Robbie certainly seems to have cleaned up, settled down and become a domesticated animal.  He’s not as sexy as he used to be, but he's waaay happier, so hooray for him.


Yeah so maybe the lustre on that gilt has dimmed slightly...but he's still funny I am sure.

My shock look is Sofia Vergara’s behind.  So pert, her thighs don’t touch, she’s a goddess. She apparently was initially distraught at this splittage, but then tweeted this pic herself.  Stay Classy, seriously.


 See below!


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Sofia Vergara's Ass-ets

I love Sofia Vergara.  I love the fact she tweeted this ass picture herself.

I think she just did it to show everyone that her booty is more pert than most breasts and that her thighs don't touch at the top. 

And I can hear her saying that "Jshess, dis haaaapen tweany menuts befour we waaan".

Apart from this the Emmy's were pretty bloody boring.


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Good Morning Blogs

Well hello Blogosphere.  I have been remiss BUT what with updating twitter, facebook, websites and my boyfriend, a girl is short of hours in her day.  The boyfriend takes for ever to update believe me.

ANYWAYS I have therefore decided  to kick myself into action and will be coming to you at least weekly from now on.

If you haven't seen I am a weekly gossip monger on the Good Morning Television show and as such am blogging on their fine website each week. I have decided to re-blog it here as well, with all the scandalous juicy sweary bits in it.

Enjoy.


SO that time has rolled around again, it’s Gossip Wench Wednesday and I am kicking off a brand new blog on all the shenanigans I intrepidly report on for all you saucy Good Morning –philes.


Kate is welcomed by South Pacific Boobies

This week we can look no further than Kate Middleton’s moment in the erm…sun. You’d have to be living under a corgi hutch to not have heard that The Duchess of Shamebridge was snapped sunning her vol-au-vents in a French Chateaux recently.  Many, including that bastion of good taste Donald Trump, have weighed in on the topic, declaring her foolish to get her pretty pink princesses out in public.  However One thinks it must be safe to assume when One is nearly one kilometre away from Ones access road that One may hope no nasty little pappa-nasty with a camera can see you.

Gallant Prince Willie is very concerned to see Her Royal Pertness treated in a similar fashion to his mother and so the Palace have filed a birthday suit lawsuit against the sordid mag Closer.  Sadly an Irish paper, aggrieved by hundreds of years of the English rubbing their assets in their face, have also published them and an Italian magazine owned by that other bastion of good taste, Pervio Berlusconi, will follow (birthday) suit.

I just think it’s sad Kate didn’t turn sideways.  Then no one would have been able to spot her at all.


Foundation Face and Fruity reconcile.

Millions of Twihards the world over are seething at the news that Trampire and her Prince Twarming have reconciled and are back together which means he will never be theirs.  Yup “apparently” K-Stew and R-Pattz have thrown off the silver shackles of infidelity and are shimmering gloriously in the sun once more. Seems that Rob has realised that everyone makes mistakes, (just look at his hair) and has taken the contrite actress back into his cold undead bosom.  Awwwww.


As you can see in the 70's it was No Abs Required.

Speaking of cold bosoms...in startling revelations Roger Moore has …. erm revealed that he has bedded far more women that James Bond ever has.  Considering James Bond is a figment of someone’s imagination this isn’t all that surprising. I can claim the same in fact. 

Pedantic quibbles aside Moore certainly was a prime side of British gristle in his day, but when I see his current pics this story makes me a little queasy. I like my sex symbols without Zimmer frames and a possible threat of cardiac arrest.  Watching Sean Connery cheer on Andy Murray made me worry for his prostate, and that’s just not sexy.

But back to Roger, which is what he did, a lot.  More Roger Moore…. More Roger MORE, Roger me Moore… 


I feel pretty oh so prettyyyyy

This next story makes me very nearly lose the will to live, but I like picnic bars and floral frocks so will live to fight another day. But should I lose that will again all I have to do is jump into the passenger seat of either Amanda Bynes or Lindsay Lohan’s car and my dilemma will be sorted.   Both these female Charlie Sheen wannabes are constantly in trouble with the Police due to their love of smashing into other cars, often while smashed, or just being silly little Prima Donna wastes of botoxed human skin.  I can hardly bring myself to comment on them further but apparently they are feuding over who is worse.

So I will solve it.

They both suck and both risk other people’s lives with their dangerous driving and reckless stupidity. That was a bit serious… moving on.




My shock look of the week is recidivist offender Lady Gaga.  Though to be fair when a woman is a walking work of art, offender is the wrong word.   She beats her own drum Ms Germanotta (whatever Madonna whinges) and we all like to see what happens next.

This week she opened milliner Philip Treacy’s London Fashion Week show.  Treacy is known for having a weirdly spelled name and for creating such legendary hats as Princess Beatrice’s IUD crossed with a startled moose fascinator from the Royal Wedding. Here Gaga is sporting a floral wreath which would make it difficult to poke her face…. Just saying.



Below is a pic I shopped for GM but we didn't run with the Nicky Minaj story in the end, I like it though.  So here it is.